Consent is really about communication. It starts with getting to know each other. Finding out what you like and dislike. Learning what you have in common, and what is different. Discovering each other's hopes, fears, desires, and dreams.
And, if there is a sexual attraction between you, then talking about sex will naturally flow out of this conversation.
- How important is sex in a relationship?
- When do you want to become sexually active in your relationship?
- What are you looking for ... sexually?
- What turns you on?
- What turns you off?
- What are your boundaries?
- How fast or slow do you want to go?
Talking about questions like these can be fun and interesting. And can tell you a lot about whether you are both sexually compatible. Much better to know this before you begin a sexual relationship!
What is consent?
- Consent is a voluntary, sober, imaginative, enthusiastic, creative, wanted, informed, mutual, honest, and verbal agreement between sexual partners
- Consent is an active agreement and cannot be coerced
- Consent is a process, which must be agreed upon for every sexual act; if you want to move to the next level of sexual intimacy- just ask
- Consent is never implied and cannot be assumed, even in the context of an ongoing relationship. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you have permission to have sex with your partner
- A person who is intoxicated cannot legally give consent
- The absence of a "no" doesn't mean "yes"
- Both partners should be involved in the decision to have sex
- Consent is an important part of healthy sexuality
- It is not sexy to have sex without consent!
What is sexy?
- Challenging myths about sex and consent, such as the stud vs. slut stereotype
- Communicating with your partner about sex
- To know and be able to communicate the type of sexual relationship you want
- Knowing how to protect yourself and your partner against pregnancy and STIs
- Acknowledging that you and your partner(s) have sexual needs and desires: Yes, it is okay for women and men to both want and enjoy sex
- Knowing your personal beliefs and values and respecting your partner's personal beliefs and values
- Confidence and self-esteem
- Challenges stereotypes that rape is a women's issue
- Challenging sexism
Why is consent sexy?
- Communication, respect, and honesty make sex and relationships better
- Asking for and obtaining consent shows that you have respect for yourself and your partner
- Positive views on sex and sexuality are empowering
- Views on gender and sexuality are better understood and agreed upon by both partners
- Eliminates the entitlement that one partner feels over the other. Neither your body nor your sexuality belongs to someone else
- It is normal and healthy for women to expect to be included in the consent process
- What do you think makes consent sexy?
When is it OK to say No?
It's always OK to say No.
You may want to say No because:
- you feel you're not ready for sex in your relationship
- you have strong beliefs about sex before marriage
- you feel that you want him, or her, as a friend - but not as a sexual partner
- you feel attracted to your partner, but you want to go slow
- your partner has not been open or honest about their HIV and/or STD status
- you have agreed to sex with your partner - but now you want something different
You should never feel you have to give consent. To anyone. For any reason.
No always means No. And we should always respect it.
It's always OK to say No. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you always have consent. Ask first, make it sexy. Sex with consent is sexy. Sex without consent is rape.
No means it’s time to Stop.
- It does not mean - Slow down.
- It does not mean - Persuade me.
- It does not mean - Keep trying until I give in.
- It does not mean - Yes, but I don't want to give in too easily.
- You're not my type - means No.
When is it OK so say Yes?
- When you are very clear that this is what you want, and you're not just saying Yes to please your partner.
- When you feel you can trust your partner to respect your decision - even if you change your mind, and say No.
How can you make consent sexy?
Show your partner that you respect her/him enough to ask about her/his sexual needs and desires. If you are not accustomed to communicating with your partner about sex and sexual activity the first few times may feel awkward. But, practice makes perfect. Be creative and spontaneous. Don't give up. The more times you have these conversations with your partner, the more comfortable you will become communicating about sex and sexual activity. Your partner may also find the situation awkward at first, but over time you will both be more secure in yourselves and your relationship.
*Information above was obtained by http://www.consentissexy.net/consent
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